Love Letter if You Don’t Ask for Help – Even Though You Want It
Dear Friend,
Please stop stuffing all of your sadness down, soldiering on your own.
There are people who love you — and want to help, guaranteed — whether they’re family, friends or volunteers who spend time on hotlines listening to others, so they feel less alone.
Many of us ask ourselves: ‘Do I need help?’ Which is easy to deny when you think help is only necessary in life-threatening situations. Meaning you stuff your problems down, or only confide in your journal, as you aim to be stoic and self-sufficient.
I can’t tell you why you’re subconsciously depriving yourself of help, which is actually denying yourself love. (Offhand, my first instincts are a fear of rejection — and/ or discomfort displaying vulnerability.) But I would like to remind you that you are worthy of love, just as you are. And you don’t need to show up as your sage, centered and optimistic self at all times.
Sweet clam, it’s time to open up. Your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.
You’re probably the friend everyone else hits up for wisdom and perspective. And I bet those same people, who come to you with their problems, would feel honored to return the favor.
In fact, by revealing more, you can build more trust and understanding, ultimately strengthening your bond.
You just need to speak up and be okay with putting the spotlight on your life, instead of constantly minimalizing and trivializing your problems, which prevents you from voicing them and requesting help.
It’s time for a change, cowboy.
When you quit blocking others out, cordoning them out of the messier parts of your life, you allow people to genuinely connect with you on a deeper level. Plus, you give them the opportunity to support you with empathetic listening, related anecdotes and personal advice. And this will make them feel important, win-win!
Just be sure to avoid my former mistake, which may be a Millennial-related trait.
Do NOT just vent on social media or post a cryptic status, waiting for someone to stop scrolling and show concern.
Directly approach someone you trust to come through for you, trusting that they love you, they want to support you, and they will not view you as an inconvenience.
So, pick a person or two — and confess when you’re having a hard time. Or directly ask for help.
If you’re still feeling reticent, try replacing the the question ‘Do I need help?’ with ‘Does it make sense to ask for help?’ If that question crosses your mind, there’s a good chance you’ll answer ‘yes,’ prompting you to reach out.
You don’t have to resolve everything isolated on your own. In fact, in many cases, it’s better with friends.
May you receive the help you desire.
Sharing infinite love,
Ali
